Email sent to MP, if he ever bothers replying or anything

So, yesterday, after a bit of encouragement from a couple of people, decided to email my MP, to see if he was able to help out with things at all,  i doubt it, but always worth a try.

 

I did my normal thing, and wrote it all down in one long splurge with no at the time or afterwards editing.  I have removed a few things from here, personal details etc etc etc

 

Dear MP Person

 

I am one of your constituents, currently living at the above address, and I am emailing to see if you are able to help me.

I will set out a bit of information about myself, and my history, before coming to the issue I would like your help with if possible.

 

I was bought up in your constituency, attending [x&y] School, which I left in 2000.  I then attended University in Z, where I did 2 years of a Physic Degree.

 

I was asked not to come back after the end of my second year, because of very low attendance and marks.   At the time, I was suffering from Undiagnosed Depression, and I was always the type of person who did not go to the doctors unless it was absolutely necessary.  About a year after withdrawing, I was diagnosed with serious depression, and was informed by my mental health worker at the time, that this depression had been ongoing for numerous years, and was most likely the underlying reason behind my poor showing at University.

 

Since 2004, when I had to move back to Lincolnshire because the depression just got on top of me, I have worked in various roles, until 2 years ago, when my job, based in xyxyxyxy Finished,  and since then, I have been unemployed,  claiming ESA for a while, because of my depression,  and since august of last year, living back at the family home, and claiming Jobseekers Allowance.

 

Due to not being able to drive, and the state of public transport in the area, I have found it impossible to gain work – I currently have to walk 1 hour to Tattershall, and then get a 1 hour bus to Lincoln, just in order to sign every 2 weeks -.

 

After encouragement from Family & Friends over the last 6 months, I decided to apply to attend University again, this time doing a course that I have a huge interest in, and which I believe would be able to lead to a job afterwards in a field I am interested in.   I put in a UCAS Application at the beginning of July, and during Clearing, I was accepted onto a Politics & International Relations degree at the University of West England.

 

At the same time as I applied through UCAS, I also put in a Student Finance Application,  which I had to do by Paper, as at the time the Student Finance England online applications refused to let me start an application.

 

Through all this process, I was encouraged by the fact that when I put in my details into the Student Finance Calculator athttp://www.studentfinance.direct.gov.uk/calculator/studentfinancecalculator/1415/ it stated that I may be eligible for Tuition Fee Loan, and a Maintenance Loan, but I would not be eligible for a Maintenance Grant, or a Special Support grant, due to my previous study. however, in the last few days, this has now changed

 

When I completed the application, I had 4 people check over it, before I posted it,  to make sure I had completed everything fully, however, when I phoned up on Tuesday (the 26^th August) to see what the current position was,  I was told that I hadn’t completed the “Declaration” section of the application, and no processing could be done until this was received.

I know that this was completed, but I am more concerned by the fact that I wasn’t informed that it apparently hadn’t been completed, no message put up on the “correspondence” section of Student finance website, or any letters sent to me.

 

I printed this page out at …….. Library on Tuesday afternoon, filled in and signed, and then posted it back 1^st class.

 

I have until the 12^th September before I need to make a decision to withdraw from the course, as after this date, I will be liable for the fees charged.

 

 

My queries to you, as my MP, to see whether you are able to help,

 

1                     Are you able to find from Student Finance England, why they did not inform me sooner, and waited until I called them, that the Declaration Section was supposedly uncompleted.

2                     Are you able to find out whether SFE Will have made their decision on whether I will receive a Tuition Fees Loan by the 12^th September, so I can actually make my plans for the future

3                     If SFE do not take into account my (at the time) undiagnosed mental health issues into account when making their decision,  can you explain how this is not Discriminatory, especially as, as a Benefits claimant, without any spare money each week, I am unable to get a letter from my current or previous GP showing this, and in common with a lot of mental health suffererers, it was not until after the instance that I was diagnosed

4                     Are you able to get an explanation from SFE, of how in a gap of 2 weeks, the online Student Finance Calculator changed from showing that I may be eligible for a Tuition Fees loan, to not showing this,  even though the same information was entered

5                            Let me know what help is available, if any, if I do not receive Tuition Fee Funding, to help me gain employment which would let me save to pay the fees in the future,  due to the lack of transport and jobs in this area of the country, especially as the jobcentre has not been able to tell me

 

I Hope that you are able to help, as I believe that by going to University, and completing this degree, i will be in a better place for it, in a better place to find employment, and will also have done something I am interested in, and lends a lot of key skills across all forms of employment.

 

If it is any help, my Student Finance Customer Reference Number is xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and please do not hesitate to contact me via the above contacts for clarification on any of this

 

 

 

    

wits end

am now at absolute and utter wits end, and don’t know where to go  from here, am following two different routes, but it seems like they are both going the wrong way.

 

1st of all.

 

Student Finance England.  just messing me over left right and centre.  I specifically asked them why they didn’t tell me that apparently “i hadn’t signed the application declaration” and instead waited 5 weeks for me to call them about something else,   and was told “oh, we don’t tell you about things like that”   even though they keep saying anything i need to know about the application will show on the student finance webpages.

I rang SFE up today, to see whether they have received the reprinted and signed application declaration page, and of course, the answer was no,  but they may have by the middle of next week, so i should ring up then…  Am gonna be ringing every day just to keep up the pressure.    I also asked how long they reckoned it would take to process, so i get a decision,  and the person i spoke to said “oh it will probably be about 6 weeks”…  Wouldn’t tell me whether she meant 6 weeks from when my application form went in (which was 5 weeks+ ago) or from when they scan in the declaration.

Yesterday, i emailed my MP, setting out all this, and all the stress, and how i think that it is discriminatory against people with mnetal health problems,  but i’m doubtful he’ll reply.

 

I need to know by 2 weeks today, the 12th september, whether i’m going to get tuition fee funding or not, otherwise i will have to withdraw from my course,  and as things are going with student finance, i’m about 95% certain that it’ll be i have to withdraw because they haven’t made a decision, unless of course there is somebody out there who has £9000 they would like to give me to pay my tuition fees for the 1st year??

 

This is all quite annoying, as the whole going away to university thing has been quite a boost to my low mental health, and it’s been quite a boost to escaping lincolnshire and jobseekers allowance, yet it seems like those hopes are going to crash and burn.

 

 

On the JSA front, i’m on the verge of being referred onto the work programme due to long term unemployment, and i just know that if i am referred to it up here in lincolnshire, i’ll never be able too escape the shire.  There is no work, and fuck all public transport,  even in the local “city” which is where i have to sign on, public transport finishes at 6.30!  it’s that bad!  If university falls through because of SFE, then i need to move ASAP.  Am thinking of bristol, for various reasons,  but it still means i need to find somewhere to live, move down etc etc before the work programme kicks in.

 

am just so so so so stressed and depressed now because of all of this….  If anybody does want to give me £9000 so i can pay fees, then please please please do so 😀

student finance stress

so, following up from my last thing, am getting stressed again about student finance.

 

I put my application in originally about 6 weeks ago, after i’d decided i did want to go back to university if possible.  I had to do it all as a paper form, as for some reason, the computer system had decided it hated me, and would not let me fill in the application on line.

 I found out 2 weeks ago that they reckoned that the “Birth or Adoption Certificate form” that had been completed by a family friend who is a teacher,  confirming that i am me, who is on my birth certificate, was illegible…  This is odd, as i could read it perfectly well…  I printed off another, and sent it back last saturday.

I decided to ring up today to see what was happening and all that,  and today, the person i spoke to said that i hadn’t signed the “declaration” section of the application section, so they couldn’t process it.  This is incredibly odd, as before i sent the form in, i had 4 different people check it in it’s entirety to make sure there was nothing i had missed out…

I managed to somehow get a lift to the local library, where i could print out a copy of the declaration page, and got it posted before the postal collection tonight, so hopefully, it should be with student finance england!

 

I’m getting stressed and stressed and more stressed about this, because i need to know whether i will be receiving any tuition fee loan thing before i can start the course. I’ve got a deadline of 2 weeks and 2 days to know whether i will get it or not,   and if i don’t know either way, will have to withdraw from starting at uni again…  Which will be a shitter, as i really want to start learning again!

 

it’s all made more complicated, because i did 2 years of a degree previously, so, until they actually assess my form, i can’t say either way what decision they may make…

 

Fingers crossed the bastards do let me know in the next 16days, and it’s letting me know they are going to fund me!

 

Also, from then on, there’ll be more stress, as i can’t even start looking for student housing un il i know whether i will be a student or not,  and, i’ll also have the stress of the jobcentre work programme stuff 😦

 

 

One positive thing about it all,  there have been a few people who have been keeping me hopeful about it all, and sending positive thoughts.  Muchly appreciated dudes, just hoping they work!

destressing and shit

so, tomorrow, its time for one of my 2 annual destress weekends,  this one is reading festival.   With everything going on in my head at the moment relating to student finance and stuff, i really need it!

 

It’s always good for catching up with friends who i don’t see that often, and even though there may not be many bands i like (and it’s nothing like as destressing as glastonbury)  it does help clear my head for a while

 

Also,  on the good things,  this is going to be the firt festival i’ve done that my best friend is coming along to,   yup,  fuckknuckle is coming to reading,   should be interesting,  to see if/how that affects the general festival chemistry.

 

When i get back, it is going to be stress stress stress,   coz it’s going to be ringing up student finance england constantly, to see if they are going to give me a student loan.  I need to find out by, at the very latest, friday 12th september.  if i don’t know by then, i’m going to have to withdraw so i’m not personally liable for any fees.     If they do give me a loan, i’ve still got to find housing,  which will be interesting at such short notice!

 

But, time to forget all of that for the next few dayss, and just enjoy the carnage, music, and alcohol 😀

excited but stressed

After being out of work for just under 2 years, and being back in the middle of nowhere, where there is nothing, i decided to try and see if i could go back to university, and this time study something that i’m actually interested in.  It took me a long time to get around to this, but after talking to various people at glastonbury this year, i decided to take the plunge and put in an application.  Yesterday, The University of West England accepted me onto the Politics & International Relations course,  starting on Tuesday 16th September…  4 and 1/2 weeks away!!!

That’s the excited bit,  now for the Stressed Bit.

 

I did 2 years of a degree back in the early 2000s, but, because of (at the time) undiagnosed mental heath issues, i dropped out,  this means that there is a very large possibility that i will not be able to get student finance for all 3 years of a degree, but will only be able to get it for 2 years (Starting from the last year working backwards for some reason).

Even though this is a possibility, i have still put in an application to student finance england, and am just waiting for them to make a decision. Due to various fuckups with the online application form, i had to wait until i had some money, and access to a printer to print out the huge form, and then send it back.  I Don’t have a passport, so i had to get somebody who’s known me for more than 2 years (and is a responsible blahdeblahdeblah) to complete a small form saying that i am who i said i am,  but, apparently, they can’t read what she’s written, so, i’ve yet again had to find a printer,  print out another copy of the small form,  get it filled in again, and send it off.  Yet more delays.

I’m just waiting for them to make a decision, coz i can’t do anything at all until they do.  I can’t arrange student housing, in case they say nope, we’re not giving you funding.  I have 4 weeks for them to decide, and then if they say yes, get myself down to bristol and find somewhere to live.

That’s the stressy bit…

 

 

Robin Williams & depression

This is going to be said an absolute fuckton better by alot of other people For instance here in the grauniad, but i wanted to try and write about how it is to me sort of thing.

At just gone midnight last night, i started to see posts all over facebook, saying that Robin Williams had died, at first i thought that it was the normal facebook rumours spinning out of control, then i saw articles from the mainstream media also saying it, so i started to actually see what was being said.

From the very start, all of the news said that his untimely death was a possible suicide, and again, as in all of these cases, people were already saying “what a cowards way out” “what about his family, did he think about them” and so on.

I would hazard a guess, and say that none of the people who say that sorrt of things have ever been crippled by depression.  I use Cripple purposely here, as mental illness can be as crippling as physical illness is,  and, because of it’s invisibility, people tend to dismiss it, which they wouldn’t do if it was visible.

A bit of a disclaimer here,   I have Depression, i cannot remember a time without depression, i struggle with controlling it,  i feel burdened by it at times. 

Everybody experiences depression in their own way,  how it affects me will not be he same as it affects the next person, but the one thing we all have in common is that it is an illness that does affect us.

Depression is not a case of “pick yourself up, and get yourself sorted”,it’s not a case of “i’ve felt down before, but i got over it.”

Some people are able to control their depression, whether it’s through pharmaceuticals (both prescribed and otherwise), through meditation, or through whatever works, but just because you have controlled it, doesn’t mean it is cured.

 

Robin Williams is thought to have possibly committed suicide. Depression is no respecter of fame, success or riches. Anybody can have have depression, and everyone experiences it differently. Do not tell somebody who is depressed to just sort themselves out,  do not tell someone who is depressed that they can’t be depressed because they have such a good life. Do not tell someone who is depressed that they are being selfish. If you know somebody with depression, do not assume that you know all about it.

Depression sometimes can get so bad that you feel the only way out is suicide. This is not somebody being selfish,  this is somebody who feels that they cannot go on feeling how they do. I’ve been in this palce before,  luckily i came out the other side. I have a good support network in place, but, even still i sometimes go into a deep dark palce tht i find it incredibly hard to break out of,  some people can’t.

 

I just hope beyond hope that with all the stuff in the news about robin williams death,  people realise that there are support services out there, there are people who can help.

 

Den of geek has done a good article with a series of links to places you can get help.  Please do go and have a look

ups and downs

so, my head keeps going up and then down, being positive one minute, being ultra negative the next. it hurts quite a lot actually.

I really do need to go and see my doctors, haven’t been to the doctors in over a year, i’ve just been posting my repeat prescription forms, and then picking up my prescription when i’ve got the get up and go to walk the 5 miles to the surgery.

I wish i was with another doctor, but there is’t one that’s getattable for me being in the arse end of nowhere,  and i have a personal dislike of one the main doctor there, the only one who it seems you are guaranteed to see if you get aan appointment. This GP, who i will not name, is the same one who told me 3 days after having an 18hr long operation on my ear to remove a cholesteatoma that was 1/4mm away from my main facial nerve, that there was nothing at all wrong with my ears, and i was just a malingerer…

I need to get and see a GP, to try and sort out my medication,   i keep forgetting to take my antidepressants, and then taking more than i should, and all things like that,  i’m not good at making sure i do something regularly, so it’s all shite..

Hopefully though, come september or october, i will be moved away, and i will be able to get in at a good gp, who can give me the support i need for the mental health stuff, and can also get me referred to an ENT clinic again, because stupidly, while living in suffolk, i stopped going to the regular 6 months checkups at manchester hospital that i was meant to go to. i also don’t want to be referred for ENT departments at local hospitals like they are here, i want to be at a full teaching hospital, where they have experts in whats wrong with my ears and stuff.

 

down, up, up, down, up, up, down, down, down,   i just need this all sorted

reasons hopefully things will get better soon

i’ve decided to apply to universities to try and do a degree again, and am in the clearing system at the moment.   I started doing a degree back when i was 18, but, for various reasons, including undiagnosed mental health issues, i only completed 2 years of that degree, and my head was not in the right place to even think about changing what degree i was doing at the time.

I’ve decided this time to apply to do a course in something i am highly interested in, rather than just something i was academical good at, which was the mistake i made previously.

I’ve also decided that the universities i’m asking to have a look at my clearing applications are all ones which are in cities i wouldn’t mind living in, and also aren’t part of the snotnose snobbery known as the russell group. UWE, UEA, Leeds Met, Nottingham Trent, Sheffield Hallam and Liverpool Hope.

Here’s to hoping that they get back to me, and say yes!

 

I’ve sent off an application for Student Loan, but no idea whether they’ll actually give me one, seeing as i’ve had 2 years of loans previously, far far far in the past,  but i’ve made sure i’ve said on my form that mental health was one of the reasons i didn’t complete my degree.

 

I am feeling very stressed at the moment, because i’m waiting to hear from both the universities, and also the student loan company.

 

 

If that fails,  i’ve decided that come the end of september, i am going to move to a city,   with bristol currently slightly ahead in my rankings,  purely because it’s somewhere i haven’t spent that much time, but have heard very good things about, whereas i have spent a fuckton of time in all the other cities i could see myself living, and i do like discovering new places.

I have got a small bit of money available, ~£1400, which when i got my final payments from my last job, i transferred to my mum for “safekeeping”, or at least i have an odd memory of it, so i hope i did,    so, hopefully, this will help me with the move,  but, again, hopefully i won’t need that, hopefully i can go straight to university…

 

If i get offered a place on a ccourse, but get tolf by student loans, they can only finance the 2nd and 3rd years, then my plan is to try and work for a year, doing temp work if necessary, wherever i go to, and then use that to pay for my first year in a year or twos time.

 

Other good things.     I do not make friends really easily, i find it really hard to be relaxed around people until i’ve known them for quite a while, but in the last five weeks, down at the big somerset festival i did volunteer work at, i met a couple of people who i felt mentally relaxed around immediately,  which is good!    one of them, i’ve talked shit with every day since glastonbury, just talking about the world, how everyone is cunts, and seeing who can come up with the most inventive swear description.  i haven’t won that one yet 😦

reasons things are down :(

So, i have a history of major depression and shit, but things have been down for a whilee now,  for a few reasons…  For the last year, as a 30odd year old, i’ve been living back at the family house, which happens to be in the arse end of nowhere, in the rural heartland of ukip central.

My last job finished almost 2 years ago for various reasons, but because of who the employer was, firms in this true blue/purple neck of the woods will not take me on becauuse they see me as a “trouble maker”, so are finding reasons to just chuck my applications straight away. I’m also a none driver, which makes it impossible to get anywhere for times when i could do work.  9-5s are about the only thing i could get transport for, and there’s bugger all of them in this area.

I’m signing on, getting jsa,  which involves a 4hr round trip,  1 hour walking, and 1 hour bus journey each way, which doesn’t help.

 

 

I’m also hating the fact that there is nowhere to escape to,  i can’t just take a walk along the road and find new areas, new things to do,  almost everyone here within a 20 mile radius is someone i have known for years and years.

I miss social stimulation, the nearest pub is 4 miles away.  Admittedly, i may still choose to spend all my time on my own if i had a coice, but, being here, i don’t have that fucking choice.

i just need to escape, i need a job, i need to be somewhere where i can just talk and see new things

 

 

Also, in the last month, i found out about a courtcase, which could help explain the blank holes i have in my memory of childhood. I’m talking with the NSPCC and NAPAC about it, on a regular basis, but, the incidents that led to the courtcase happened in the next village along from where i am, so that’s always resting at the back of my head too

shite shite and more shiite

So, decided to start writing shite again, which will please all 2 of you who will ever read this…  It’s not gonna be well written, or informative, or anything of the sort, it’s just going to be me spouting shit, except instead of it coming out of my cake hole, it’s going to come via my fingers and the computer weirdy stuff